Being my own baby

I have often told my husband that I want another baby - that would be #3. I would love to hold, smell and care for another tiny being. The only thing they would need in the world is me caring for them; loving them. Then reality hits as I gaze on my 2 children – a girl and a boy. I loved pregnancy, I loved infancy, I liked toddler stage, but this whole ‘kid’ phase is more than I am cut out for. I’m constantly yelling ‘Pick up your toys’, ‘Clean your rooms’, ‘Don’t pick your nose’, ‘Put on underwear’, ‘Take a bath’, ‘Brush your teeth’, ‘Brush your hair’, ‘Be nice,’ etc. I’m constantly judging myself as a parent. Noting my worst moments – today, I made my daughter cry because she couldn’t find the hair ties in her room that I helped her clean 3 days ago. I snapped – her hair will be the death of me this summer…. I called my husband and told him what a horrible mother I am as I simultaneously tell my son he cannot have a snack and that he will have to wait for lunch. The main reason I won’t let him have a snack isn’t because of lunch, it’s his whiney voice. I wonder if he has a ‘normal’ voice or if whiney voice is his real voice. I CAN’T TAKE IT!!!

This is why I will be my next baby! I am my #3 about to take control and become my #1. I haven’t taken care of me first since I found out I was having a baby 8 years ago. My life has been focused on making sure everyone surrounding me has exactly what they need and almost everything they want. In that process, I have deprived them of what they really need and want – a mother that loves them unconditionally (which I do) but also takes the time to take care of herself so she can be better for them. I WILL BE my next baby. It is time I put my needs first and take care of me.